I’m addicted to Google Analytics. Mostly because I love looking at all the weird and wonderful ways people have found my blog. Unsurprisingly, most of the keyword searches that end up at my blog are on the topics of frugality, budgeting and money saving techniques.  Pretty self-explanatory, yes?

Less self-explanatory, but a whole lot more awesome, are some of the more obscure keyword searches. If awesome means very weird and slightly disturbing, that is. Some stand-out examples include:

“Gym skirt going commando”
“Wardrobe nash bridges”
“Going commando tips – ratchet – clank”

‘Gym skirt going commando’? A little weird, but nothing too funky about that – people need to get their thrills somehow. But ‘wardrobe nash bridges’? Huh? I’m pretty sure I’ve never mentioned Nash Bridges, Don Johnson, or made any reference whatsoever to wise-cracking San Francisco cops on this blog. And as for ‘going commando tips – ratchet – clank’, well, I still lie awake at night wondering what the hell they were looking for. And did they find it on my blog? I’m not sure whether I hope they did or not.  Someone even searched ‘Fruguy’, and I told him and it totally went to his head and last time I heard he was living in a Vegas hotel with a stripper/cocktail waitress named Kikki with a semi-serious cocaine problem. Not really. He just said ‘that’s pretty kick-ass’ and went back to reading the paper (although I’m sure he gave himself a mental high-five).

Two other searches that caught my attention were ‘frugal loving tips’ and ‘frugal sexy middle age’. Which at first made me kind of sad – to think that’s what the credit crunch is making people do – and then I thought, hey, if that’s what the people want, that’s what the people get.

Frugal lovin’ tips

1. If going commando in a gym skirt doesn’t float your man’s boat, try changing the gym skirt for a regular skirt and see how that goes down. (I’ve noticed that I talk about going commando on this blog a little more than might be socially acceptable… Meh).

2. It’s truly autumn now, so take advantage of the changing leaves and crisp weather by going for a walk and maybe a picnic if the day is clear. Simple, cheap and romantic. Unless you are anything like me and will spend the whole day complaining that your toes are turning to ice. In that case you may require a stiff drink every 15 minutes to feel ‘loved-up’ as opposed to ‘cold and cross’.

3. Cook a lovely homemade meal and snuggle up together with a bottle of wine. But make sure you know how to follow a recipe and don’t accidentally use an ingredient that your other half is allergic to. ‘Cause there ain’t nothing romantic about a 2am trip to the emergency room. Not that I’ve ever done that or anything, I’m just, you know, warning you…

4. Spend Sunday in bed together with the papers. Cheap as chips. And if it’s your turn to go collect the papers resist the temptation to just pop to the shops in your PJs, because if, by some awful twist of bad luck you were to run into your boss / ex-boyfriend / ex-boyfriend’s new lover, it is dreadfully hard to appear sophisticated while wearing slippers shaped like bunnies. Again, I don’t speak from experience here, I just have an active imagination able to conjure up the most unfortunate s**t ever… for reals.

5. Take a bubble bath together. There’s nothing nicer (or cheaper) than soaping up together in the tub – I mean, just look how much they enjoy it in the movies, they’re mad for it. Hello? Kristin Scott Thomas and Ralph Fiennes in The English Patient, anyone? That’s what I’m talking about. (Avoid this option however, if you only own a regular-sized bathtub as opposed to one that is, say, 16 metres long.  It’s hard to feel sexy/romantic with the faucet sticking in your back as you try to arrange your legs in unnatural contortions while sliding around like a mad woman because your husband emptied the entire bottle of bath oil into the tub).

There you have it, frugal lovin’ in a nutshell. Frugal Sexy, people, it’s back.