You might have noticed that I am posting a lot less frequently on this blog, which, well… I have.

Instead of posting every day, or every 1-2 days as I always did in the past, I am trying to focus my efforts on posting 1-2 times each week, but I feel much more satisfied when I post something that a lot of thought into, rather than just dashing something off. If you have any

Work and life in general (mostly work) have meant that I haven’t been able to post as often as I would like for the past couple of weeks. But instead of waiting for things to settle down, I have decided that I will just have to make time for this blog.

Don’t worry, I will be back soon. If you have any topics you would like me to post on comment below as I would appreciate the inspiration.

Here are some step-by-step instructions to refurbish an old sideboard into something more modern and pretty.

This was an old sideboard that I bought off a friend for about £20 three years ago. She was moving back into her mum’s house and had to sell all her furniture; FruGuy and I had just moved into our first unfurnished flat and were trying to furnish it on a pretty tight budget.

I always planned to refurbish it somehow, but wasn’t really sure how – especially as it isn’t solid wood, I think the base is wood, but the rest is that strange ‘not-wood’ Ikea material, and I wasn’t sure how well it would take to painting. Then I became obsessed with the idea of using wallpaper and paint to redo it, and, a couple of weekends ago, I decided to give it a go, and am pretty damn chuffed with the results. (Please excuse my less-than-great photography skills).

Before: Pretty dull

After:

You will need:

Paintbrush
Eggshell paint (I used Dulux in a ‘silk white’ shade)
All purpose primer (this is important for the Ikea not-wood material – it will have to be oil based)
Wallpaper
Wall paper adhesive
White spirit
Protective gloves
Protective mask
Cost = £47 (you might already have some of these things at home – I didn’t!)

Step one
If, like me, you have no outdoor space, make sure you protect your floors with sheets or newspapers; and most importantly, make sure the room is very well ventilated. The all-purpose primer is pretty strong stuff, so make sure all the windows are open, and keep the room you are working with closed off from the rest of the house for a few days to contain the smell.

Step two
Clean the piece of furniture well, removing all marks and dust. Allow to dry thoroughly.

Step three
If you are working with actual wood, now you would sand the piece back to remove all paint/gloss in order to repaint.  If you are working with the Ikea not-wood material, apply the all-purpose primer according to the instructions.  Leave it to dry for the time specified on the tin. Clean the paintbrush with white spirit (the all-purpose primer can be sticky and awful, so it will need a good amount of white spirit to clean).

Step four
Once the primer is completely dry (I left mine for 24 hours), apply the paint according to the instructions on the tin. As the primer acted as a base coat, I only had to apply one coat of the actual paint; but you might want to apply more coats, especially if you are dramatically changing the colour. Remember to allow to completely dry in between coats and clean your paintbrush after every coat.

Step five
Measure the area on the doors that you want to cover with wallpaper, cut the wallpaper to that size.

Step six
Carefully apply the wallpaper adhesive to the doors of the sideboard, according to the instructions on the tube. Attach the wallpaper. You will have a few minutes to adjust the wallpaper before it dries – use a clean, dry sponge to smooth any air bubbles out towards the edges.

Step seven
Leave to dry completely.

Voila! You now have a beautiful new sideboard for a fraction of the cost of replacing it.

I am obsessed with redecorating at the moment. It all started with the beautiful oak chest coffee table we bought with some of our wedding gift vouchers. Since being delivered, it has suddenly rendered the rest of our furniture somewhat sub-par.

Don’t get me wrong, our home is nice, but we’ve never really invested in any nice furniture before. Like most people setting up home together, we built our nest as we went along with bits from here and there; and trips to Ikea that stretched out into epic journeys and had me wondering if I would ever see the outside world again.  But with decorations that we’ve collected on our travels around the world, I thought it looked pretty good overall.

But that coffee table. It changed all that.

So now I am on a redecorating binge. Unfortunately I can’t just go out and buy whatever I want, as I don’t have endless sums of money to throw into my new obsession, so I am having to be very selective and creative in finding ways to transform our home into the beautiful vision in my mind. After hours of salivating over design blogs and home magazines, here are the five top tips I’ve come up with for redecorating on a dime.

1. Refurbish, don’t replace
The most amazing thing about this whole thing so far has been the challenge of taking a piece of furniture that is so-so and making it awesome. I have just finished refurbishing our sideboard, which was just a cheap piece from Ikea. Now it looks amazing (will post some pics later), thanks to a couple coats of paint and a creative application of wallpaper (sounds weird, but it isn’t, I promise).  I originally wanted to buy a whole new one, and spent hours looking through websites and stores, only to find that I was looking at spending about £400 to get the sort of thing I wanted. Instead, I took a trip to B&Q and transformed it in just a few short days and £50.

You can re-work almost any piece of furniture: couches, dining tables, chairs, dressers, with a paintbrush, some sandpaper and a staple gun. There are literally thousands of websites dedicated to showing how to do this step-by-step. Or, if you’re not game to try it yourself, look into getting someone do it for you – for instance, getting your couch re-covered will be a cheap way to refresh the look in comparison to buying a new one.

If you do want to buy new things, hit eBay, garage sales, thrift stores, and craiglist for one-offs and orginal pieces before you hit the expensive furniture stores. Try to see the potential in things rather than just seeing what it currently is. I found one of my dining chairs in the street with a sign on it saying ‘please take me’. After a lick of paint and recovering the chair pad, it’s one of my favourite things in the house!

2. Decorate with what you’ve got
When it comes to decorating, the best thing you can do is work with the things you’ve already got, maybe adding one or two new, inexpensive things. Decorating is the cheapest bit of the whole process, and it’s not about how much stuff you have, or how expensive it is, it’s all about how you show it off to the best effect.

Take all your favourite objects, clean them and lay them out on a clean sheet so you can see what’s there and what will work together and what won’t. Remember that you don’t have to display everything at once, half the fun is changing it up and switching them around regularly to give the same space a different look.

Arrange your objects in groups to dress the surfaces in your rooms. Don’t be afraid of mixing contrasting materials, cultures, eras, colours and textures, as this will add quirk and character to your home. When you get bored of it, change it all around!

Wall art is one of the things that can completely change the look of a room without having to spend a fortune.  Work with the scale and proportion of the room and frame photographs, art prints, your kid’s fingerpainting, squares of wallpaper, anything, for ready-made art.

And don’t underestimate the power of a bowl of fresh-cut flowers to transform a room. I’m an addict.

3. Go clean, white and let in the light
I would love to have some soft grey walls, or a few areas of beautiful flocked wallpaper. Alas, we rent, so short of spending money to paint walls and then re-paint before we leave, I have to work with what’s already there. Fortunately for us, our entire apartment is painted a plain, fresh white, which provides the perfect backdrop for an experimental decorator like me.

While changing colours can be fun, white walls mean that you can add colour with fabrics and ornaments, and the entire look of a room can be changed quickly without having to paint over that dark green wall you thought was such a good idea last year.

The best feature of any room is a well proportioned window, so make sure you make the best use of yours. Our flat is a Victorian conversion, which means beautiful long windows in the living room that let in the most amazing amounts of light. For some reason the landlord had half covered them up with some hideous red curtains before we moved in; but instead of spending money replacing them I simply took them down, making the most of the light and views. (Sure, it’s not the most economical option during a long UK winter, but I’m a sucker for that light!)

4. Start from scratch
When starting on a new room, take all the furniture out and re-examine the space. Make sure the paintwork and/wallpaper, and the details - like window sills and light switches are clean and neat.

Put your favourite pieces back first, along with your chosen statement pieces and build the room slowly around them.

The key to making a room look great is understanding how to work with the proportions of the room and work to scale. If you have high ceilings and large, dramatic windows, you can afford to put in larger pieces of furniture – fewer, larger pieces will work better than lots of small pieces.  Vice-versa, if the room is small, don’t over-clutter it with too much stuff.

If you have one large space that being used for different purposes, such as a large living area that is also a dining room and office, create zones within the rooms to give the clear impression of different areas. Make sure you have a comfortable sitting/talking area by grouping some chairs together near the sofa in an area that other people aren’t going to be continually walking through to get to other places.

5. Spend carefully, not liberally
If, like me, you’d love to have a few designer pieces in your home, don’t be overwhelmed by the thought of the cost.  In my opinion, a few great statement pieces look better when mixed with furniture in different styles and from different eras.

For example, I love the simple retro look of Eames chairs, but in amongst an entire retro-themed room they will lose their ‘wow’ factor, and the home will take on a contrived, overdone feel. Mix them with other types of furniture though, experimenting with textures and colours and pieces of different styles (vintage, bo-ho, shabby chic, retro), and you will achieve a more sophisticated look that is still warm and soft.

Try starting with one or two statement pieces, like an amazing piece of artwork, a funky lamp or a fabulous rug to make the room pop, and go from there.

Also, remember that you don’t have to furnish your entire home in one hit. As long as you have somewhere to sit, sleep and eat, there’s no rush. You can afford to go slowly and choose pieces that you love rather than ending up with a home full of things you only half-like, but bought because you thought you needed it all at once.

All images from the beautiful designspongeonline.com

I was talking to my friend who lives in Canada on the weekend. She has a beautiful 18 month old son, and a new baby due in July. Since having her son she went back to work – she works for the government – and her son has been in long-hour daycare. However, after the new baby is born in July, she’s taking three years off work.

Yes, three years. She will get full pay for one year (maternity leave), and has had approval to take a further two years off with no pay, with a guaranteed job at the end, at the same level she is currently at.

Damn, Canada must have some pretty good maternity laws! Although I suspect it is mainly because she works for the government, but still. Here in the UK we get nine months leave on statutory pay – which is pitiful, about £120 a week. Certainly not enough to survive on.

But I did start to wonder what it would be like to be a stay-at-home mum. Would I want to do that? I don’t think I will know until it happens (which is not any time soon, thanks very much!) but for the moment, I’m thinking not.

I happen to think that working mothers (or fathers) raise more well adjusted children than those who are raised by parents who allow their children to become the centre of their world. I think it’s healthier for children to not think their parents’ lives revolve entirely around them; it’s better for them to see their parents pursuing careers, social lives and hobbies that don’t include them. My parents certainly did and I believe it helped make me a more balanced person than if they had succumbed to my every whim. We fitted in with their lives, not the other way around. And I know that to a certain extent it’s inevitable for your child to become your world, but I do think that there is a certain type of parent out there that takes it to the extreme – and put their children before everything and everyone else, including their partner.

It’s certainly a complex issue. My mother worked from home, so I don’t know what it was like attending day care or after school care. It was certainly nice to have her there on sport’s days and sick days and school holidays. But more than that, I don’t know if I would be cut out for a life of finger painting and play dates. Don’t get me wrong, I know there’s more to being a stay-at-home parent than finger painting and play dates, I just think that it’s healthier for your children to know that you have a life beyond them.

I guess finances are a big issue for lots of families, who simply can’t afford to have one parent remain at home. My friend admitted that things will be tight while they survive off her husband’s salary for two years – but it will be manageable with some careful budgeting – and to them that’s worth it.  We could certainly live off FruGuy’s income comfortably if I did choose to stay at home when the time comes – but that then raises further questions about the financial independence of the parent who gives up work. How would I feel knowing that every penny that came into our home was earned by someone else?

What do you think? Would you be a stay-at-home parent if you had the choice?

At the risk of being like one of those awful episodes on sitcoms where the writers were clearly slacking, and the whole episode consists of looking back over past  so they don’t have to come up with anything new (you know what I’m talking about), here I complete one of my 5 simple goals for the week, and update my ‘Best of FruGal’ sidebar.  Here are the most popular posts from the archives of this blog. Take a little stroll down memory lane with me.

Dear Editor of the Times: I’m switching to the Guardian

Town Mouse, Country House

How Frugal is too Frugal?

Top 5 (Evil) Tips for Frugal Living

Fast Frugal Wisdom

Weddings and other peoples’ money

The Stay at Home Wife Debate

Would you ever move back home to save cash?

Frugal Lovin’ Tips: Bringin’ Frugal lovin back

Is Being a Woman bad for Business?

Do you give your friends financial advice?

Joining the gym? Read this first

Splitting the Bill: Oh, the drama…

Is Buying a Reposession Capitalising on someone else’s Misfortune?

How to use Twitter as a Marketing Tool

Money, Power and Relationships

Goal achieved. Damn that feels good!

It’s a beautiful sunny Saturday morning here in London town (well, it’s trying to be) , and I am finally sitting down and getting this blog back in order!

Work and life in general have meant that I haven’t been able to update as much as I would like for the past couple of months. But instead of waiting for things to settle down, I have decided that I will just have to make time for this blog, otherwise it will turn into one of those sad, dusty old forgotten blogs that make me sad when I come across them, all abandoned and lonesome.

So, as a first step, some new simple goals for the next week. Rather than turn myself into knots worrying about everything I have to do, I will start with 5 simple goals for the coming week:

• Update my blogroll: this list no longer encompasses all my favourite blogs, it’s quite outdated and needs some love.

• Clean out my Google reader: I am obsessed with adding blogs to that thing! There is so much stuff in there that every time I sit down to write a post, I just end up gorging on others’ instead. Excuses, excuses..

• Re-do my budget: My, um, “budget” has sort of gone out the window lately. I will post on this later to show you what I mean, but it needs some serious readjustment!

• Write up at least two of the posts that have been scrawled in indecipherable crazy hieroglyphics on scraps of paper around my house/office/handbag for the past month.

• Update my ‘best of FruGal’ sidebar.

Those will do for now. I feel like my entire life is one big to-do list lately!

But first, time for a cup of coffee. Have a great weekend y’all!

The personal finance blog world is going off like a frog in a sock lately. Everywhere I go there seems to be new blogs taking off, old ones thriving and goals being achieved left, right and centre.  Here are some of the articles from the past week that I’m lovin’.

First, I have to send out a HUGE congratulations to the lovely Holly, who successfully stopped shopping for a year. As she has completely kicked the arse of her own challenge, the blog Holly is Stopping Shopping has been retired, but fret not, she has moved her blog over to Shopaholly, where she will continue to entertain us. Keep reading!

The Carnival of Personal Finance has gone live over on Weakonomics, and it is chock-a-block full of fantastic articles. Some of my personal favourites include:

Free From Broke gives us all a friendly reminder with Credit cards don’t suck, you suck!

Jennifer from Money Saver 101: Even sin suffers in a recession

Len Penzo dot com: Gas or Charcoal BBQs: which is more cost effective?

The Dough Roller: Is budgeting keeping you poor?

And Francois Viljoen from Liberta shares her Budget Planner Excel Spreadsheet

(Weakonomics was also nice enough to include my article David Cameron: Thrift’s new Poster Boy).
Next up, Always the Planner is hosting this week’s Festival of Frugality, which includes some scorchers:

Ginger Beat gives us a yummy recipe for frugal lunching: How to Pack a Salad/Salad With Rice Noodles, Tofu, Cilantro, and Peanut Sauce

Frugal Luxury ponders What Beauty Products Do You Really Need?

Charlene Haugsven of My Frugal Adventures tells us How I Handle “Stuff Envy”

J. Money of Budgets are Sexy asks Whatcha Know About Kids Allowances These Days?

A Modern Gal wonders What Happened to Sharing?

(And Always the Planner was good enough to include my post on How to double your pension contributions at no extra cost).

And because I’m on a roll here, here are some of the other posts from around the web that I’m lovin’ and linkin’ this week:

20 Something Finance explains How to Get Free Landscaping Work Done Using Craigslist

Design*Sponge shows us how to make the cutest (and cheapest) DIY: tin letterpress clock

Small Notebook gives a handy reminder on how to Get Reacquainted With Your Finances Again

And the wonderful Copyblogger shows us Everything You Need to Know About Creating Killer Content in 3 Simple Words

Whew! That’s it, I’m done! Hope y’all are having a great week.

I discovered yesterday that I have to get an ID card when I renew my UK visa in October. This is so my personal details, including my biometric data, can be stored in a computer somewhere by the government and, more than likely, lost or misused. Yay! Oh, and I get to pay £605 for the pleasure.

Yes. £605. Let me tell you, that news hit me like a hard kick in the boob. Seeing as the original visa only cost about £200, I really wasn’t expecting that. Wowsers.

So anyway, when I discovered a way yesterday to double my pension contributions at no extra cost, I was over the moon.

How? Well, unfortunately to really get the most out of this you should be a foreign national living and working in the UK – but I know that a couple of you guys are exactly that, so yay for us! High fives.

It works like this. Everyone in the UK pays national insurance contributions. It’s taken out of your paycheque when you get paid.  These funds go towards the Basic State Pension and the Secondary State Pension.  While the Basic State Pension is compulsory, the Secondary State Pension is not. You can opt out and get the money back from the government, and divert the funds into your own private pension instead.

Why would you want to do this?
This is important.  The only reason you should really think of doing this is if you are not planning to retire in the UK.  If you’re not going to be here to receive the Secondary State Pension, why pay into it? You can divert the money into your own private pension, so that you will benefit from paying some of those taxes.

How does it work?
First of all, you have to have a private pension fund for the money to be paid into – you can’t get the money in cash.  Then you simply opt out of the scheme, and the money will automatically be refunded to you, and transferred into your pension fund. Once you have opted out this will happen automatically every year.

How much will I get?
Probably more than you would think. The amount you get depends on how much you earn and your age, but it’s approximately 5% of your income.  So if you are 27 years old, earning £35,000 you will receive a lump-sum payment of approximately £1,805 this year.  You can see a calculator here to work out your rebate. That means that if you are contributing £150 each month to your pension fund this rebate has just doubled your yearly contributions. Not bad for 5 minutes work, hey?

Sounds good, how do I do it?
If you don’t already have a pension fund, you will need to set one up.  And soon! (You really should be preparing for your retirement from the time you start full-time work, but that’s another post altogether). If you do have a pension fund, contact your provider to find out about opting out.

Or, if you want to kill two birds with one stone, this company will set you up an AXA Stakeholder Pension scheme, and organise your rebate for free. Just use their online application form. (BTW this is a highly reputable company – I have used them for international money transfers for years, and they helped me get set-up when I first arrived in the UK).

Any cons?
The main thing to remember is that this will make you completely responsible for how the money gets invested. This could be a pro to you, but if not, you will need to choose a pension fund that is managed for you. Remember that investments go up as well as down!

Can I do this even if I will be retiring in the UK?
Yes, anyone with a permanent National Insurance number can opt out of the Secondary State Pension. If you would prefer to be in control of your money rather than the government, it might be worth considering – but you should think carefully before doing this, and seek independent financial advice first.

Other info
Remember that you will still need to top up your pension contributions throughout the year as well in order to financially prepare for retirement.

Most UK pensions can be transferred overseas, so if you are retiring abroad you should check before setting up a pension whether or not this is possible. If not, you can still receive your pension paid into your bank account at home.

Useful links
Whether you decide to do this or not, make sure you fully understand the consequences first. Here are a bunch of websites with more useful information.

Moneymadeclear.gov.uk

NIrebateonline.com

Directgiv.gov.uk

1stcontactrebates

Reminder – neither this nor any other post on this site is sponsored.

I don’t usually talk politics on this blog, but seeing politics and money are so tied together at the moment thanks to last week’s 2009 budget report, I’m going to make an exception this one time.

Now, if you are a labour-supporter, you ain’t gonna like this, but…

I love David Cameron. Honestly. Even more than I love Boris Johnson. Didn’t expect that, did you? But, it’s true. I heart the conservatives.

I had to bring this up, because the object of my affections has only gone and had a thrifty epiphany.  Yes that’s right; David Cameron is dipping his toe into the pool of thrift, and, well, we likey.

In Sunday’s speech at the Conservative spring forum in Cheltenham, DC announced plans to ‘impose swingeing spending cuts across government as he replaces Labour’s spendaholic ways with a new era of thrift’, and promised, in the process, to deliver ‘more for less’.

More for less. Every frugal gal’s (or guy’s) motto!

Speaking on how he plans to achieve these thrifty aims during this aptly-named ‘age of austerity’, DC outlined 4 crucial steps that he will focus on to get the nation’s finances back in the red, which (and here we get to the point), when taken on their own, serve as a good reminder of a few basic principles of healthy finances and thrift.

1.    Return to traditional spending control
Remember when you were a kid and your parents would give you your pocket money each week or month? I got mine monthly, and it was the grand sum of $60 (£30) each month. I got this money in return for helping around the house and carrying out my regular chores. I looked forward to receiving that £30 each month with the same enthusiasm I now look forward to payday. If I was saving up for a special purchase, that money would go somewhere safe until I had saved up enough to go and buy it. If I wanted to speed up the saving process I would make deals with my mum: doing extra ironing, weeding the flower-beds, dusting and vacuuming; or baby-sitting for kids in the neighbourhood.  Remember that? Money was simple. You either had it, or you didn’t. If you didn’t have it, you worked harder to get more.

But what happened over the past decade of cheap credit? Everyone decided that they deserved to have everything, now. For the most part, no one saved, no one delayed making purchases so they could pay with cash instead of credit.  People even stopped putting down deposits when buying homes, opting instead for 100% mortgages that gave them zero protection against negative equity. But that didn’t matter, because what could possibly go wrong? People forgot that what goes up, must come down.

And then it did come down. Hard and fast.  Luckily, a few people (like you and me) had already seen the dangers in continuing to live the life of me me, me, now, now, now! We had already taken a few steps to get our spending under control and returning to the traditional values of living within your means: spending only what you’ve got, not what you’ve borrowed from someone else. I’m not saying that borrowing and debt doesn’t have its place within the healthy finances of most people, but that those methods should be the exception, not the rule.  And taking this step, of reigning in spending and cutting outgoings, is the vital first step towards healthy finances.

2.    Committing to a new culture of thrift
I would argue that the idea of living thriftily or frugally means different things to everyone. But ultimately, it’s pretty safe to say that it’s really about getting more for less. Getting more bang for your buck. Whether that means shopping vintage for designer goods or stocking up on basics in Aldi rather than Waitrose, it’s about making your money go that bit further, without compromising on your lifestyle - It’s not about being ‘cheap’, where you give up everything in order to avoid spending money. I think that having a talent for thrift is one of the most valuable things you can learn.  Whether you are learning to cook with leftovers, going camping this summer rather than hitting up the Maldives, or simply just learning to be happy with what you have, rather than always wanting more, it’s a very important step along the journey to financial fitness.

3.    Curing financial problems, not simply treating the symptoms
This is a big one. We all go through periods of overspending; when the budgeting and resolutions to cutback go out the window, no matter how many safety-nets we put in place to avoid this happening.  Once in a while, it’s no big deal.  What’s important though, is to understand the triggers that will result in a perfectly normal Tuesday turning into a £800 binge in Selfridges.  What’s the cause of your overspending or lax attitude towards money? It might be caused by something simple to fix as boredom, or professional dissatisfaction, or it could be something more serious. According to recent research, retail therapy is one of the top ten addictions in the UK, and people with poor money control are likely to have a slew of other issues as well. Whatever the reason, treating the cause rather than the symptoms is going to make things a lot simpler in the long run, and is vital to obtaining a healthy and happy relationship with your money.

4.    Using imagination and innovation to transform
This is, by far, the best part about trying to live more thriftily and simply.  I used to think nothing of eating 5 or 6 times a week. Now, after venturing nervously into the kitchen and beginning to store things in my fridge other than eye cream and nail varnish, I can cook – in fact, I’m damn good at it. More importantly, I enjoy it.  I used to head straight to Top Shop when I was in the mood to shop, now I’m more likely to be found rifling through vintage stores off Portobello road looking for hidden gems – and dusting off my rusty sewing skills in order to alter the things that don’t fit. And I love it.

It’s not just what you do though, it’s the adventure of trying new things, being creative and resourceful in order to get what you want for less, without compromising on quality in the meantime. And the best bit? Every time I make something rather than buy it, I find that my values change a little bit more for the better. I’ve re-learnt the value of things.  I spend more time talking with friends rather than competing with their lifestyles. I have more time for my brand new marriage because I’m not cramming my life full of endless money-draining activities.

Taking on a thrifty, simpler lifestyle has transformed the lives of many people – not just me, you can see the evidence here, here and here.  And what’s more, right now, it’s bang on trend – even this month’s Vogue is spouting advice on how to shop spring style on a budget. (Anna Wintour, you thrifty minx, you).

Do you agree that these are some good basic principles of healthy finances and thrift? Is there anything you’d add?

As I think I’ve mentioned before, I am part of a book club. We are extremely exclusive and picky about our members – a degree in English Literature and a healthy disdain for chick lit and crime fiction are requisite – but for all our unsubstantiated high opinions of ourselves, I must admit that when we get together once a month, our well-intentioned discussion of our current book quickly gives way to copious amounts of wine, informative Google searches on where to buy the boots Serena was wearing in last night’s Gossip Girl, and if we’re particularly lucky, tequila shots.  All very high-brow stuff.

Last night we were exceptionally lucky. The host had recently returned from a holiday and restocked the liquor cabinet with duty-free. Score.

Anyway, as the grog flowed freely last night, so did the gossip; - and here’s the point to this thus-far very rambling and inconsequential tale: one of our members, a very well-off stay-at-home mum to two gorgeous boys under 3 has been ousted from her comfortable existence and has to go back to work.  Why? Her husband has been made redundant.

Let’s call her Sera for the purposes of this tale.

Sera is beside herself. After five months of recruitment consultants and living off the generous redundancy package, her husband has exhausted the possibility of finding a new position soon.  He is in the unfortunate position that lots of high-earners are finding themselves in at the moment: the available positions for his high-skill set are far and few between as companies cut costs from the top-down, and with thousands of city workers being let go by the week, the competition is fierce.

But worse than that, after 15 years of flogging his guts out in his cut-throat profession, being out of work for a while isn’t looking like such a bad thing in his view. The loss in income won’t be a huge problem in the long run, it will just mean a bit of a lifestyle change for the family – but worse for Sera – she’ll have to go back to work so that they don’t completely exhaust their savings.  She has been lucky enough to find a position with her old company, which she smugly left three years ago as she looked forward to a life of finger painting, mothers’ groups and private Pilates tutoring.

She is now suffering. She is now shuttling back and forth on the central line every day with the rest of us, coming home shattered, to her sons who have had a ball wrestling and larking about with a – previously mostly-absent – dad all day. The tearful moments in the ladies room at the shock of being away from her sons have given way to an exhausted resignation at the lather, rinse, repeat cycle that her life has become.  She begrudges the bags and shadows that have appeared under her eyes and disappeared from her husband’s. Though she would never say it to him, she secretly feels that she has been let down; that her husband has failed to keep his end of the deal.  She misses the daily pattern of her sons’ lives, resents the new responsibility of being the primary breadwinner, and wants her old life back.

I won’t pretend that I wasn’t quietly shocked by Sera’s gin-induced admission to us that in a lot of ways, her husband’s earning power had been a big influence on their relationship progressing the way it had when they met. She is old-fashioned, and wants to be taken care of. Now that’s gone and she sees no way out of it other than to keep going and hope things return to normal eventually.  And it’s having a negative impact on their relationship as her resentment increases.

This is not normally something you would hear people talking about in the real world, and I found it very interesting. I got the feeling that it was the power and responsibility of being the breadwinner she didn’t want, rather than simply the daily grind of working full time.  But thanks to the anonymity afforded by blogging I can put it out there to you:

There are many reasons why one person in a relationship may completely support, or substantially out-earn the other. Is this the case in your relationship? And if so, how would you feel about the shift in power and responsibility if the roles were suddenly switched?