I have been reading along with The Guardian’s Diary of a Debtor. If you haven’t been reading, you really should pop over and have a look.
It follows the diary of the author’s battle to get out from under crippling debt – debt that was hidden from his wife, and that was basically ruining his life. He’s now in the process of deciding whether to take on an IVA (Individual Voluntary Arrangement), or take the money offered by a wealthy family member in order to pay off the IVA agreement in one fell swoop.
One of the most interesting aspects of the diary – and something that makes it very different to regular PF blogs that chronicle the author’s attempts to pay down debt – is that the people who comment on the posts are just regular Guardian readers; not the sort of people who comment on usual PF blogs (like you and me), who are actively interested in the topic to begin with.
This really gives an interesting new perspective to the way personal debt is regarded by the general public. And that is often with scorn, derision, and a ‘you got yourself into it, you get yourself out of it’ attitude. Some of the comments are totally cold, while others show genuine concern and offer helpful advice.
The range of responses to the current post – whether or not to take the cash from a family member to repay the debt – is one of the most interesting. I don’t know how I feel about IVAs in general. I know that some people really have no other option, as in they are literally drowning, and are completely unable to cover their debt repayments and living costs. But I think a lot of people see them as a free ride, or get out of jail free card. Considering the alternative though (bankruptcy) and the long-term effect they have on your credit rating, I don’t think it’s a decision anyone takes lightly.
But taking money from a family member? That’s a tough call. No matter how terrible and down on yourself you might feel by being in such serious debt in the first place, I can’t help but wonder if being bailed out by a family member (or friend for that matter), would be even worse. If I were in that position, I might be tempted to take the IVA, simply for the fact that I’d probably feel a much bigger sense of accomplishment at the end when the agreement came to its end; which might make it worthwhile. But, never having been in that position, I simply don’t know.
What do you think? Would you let a family member repay your debt?
If the family member wants to help out for the right reasons and with a good heart, then I’d be inclined to accept their generosity.
However I answer entirely hypothetically as I’ve never been in consumer debt, nor do I have wealthy family who could bail me out.
Great question though, and thanks for letting me know about the debter blog -I think general internet commenters can be almost as cruel as kids in the playground and we sometimes forget about that when we browse within the pf community.
What a great question. I don’t think anyone knows the answer until they are put in that situation. Right now I would say that I wouldn’t take it, but I’m having a hard time conceptualizing a scenario where I would need to take the money.
Does the debt exist because of something that was my fault, or was it an unavoidable medical situation. How much money does my family have to help with? Do I believe I’ll be able to pay them back eventually? There are just too many unknowns, but I’d like to think I could find a way out of the situation myself.
I would hope that I would not let my pride prevent me from accepting help from anyone. After I accepted the help I would pay it foward, so the person wouldn’t wish that they didn’t help me.
I would try to avoid it at all costs unless my debt was going to cause me some major danger…whether it be huge financial repercussions, becoming homeless, etc. Otherwise, I’d say try 110% to get the money on your own because the last thing you want to do is ruin relationships with your family.
I have been there.
My mother in law helped out my boyfriend and I with a $20000 loan, which helped us avoid bankruptcy.
If I could go back and do it over, I wouldn’t have done it, it has been a wedge driven between us.
I don’t see anything wrong with it, some people might be jealous because they don’t have family members who help them. My bf gave me $600 to pay off my credit card debt, that’s the only debt I ever had in my life, I paid him back. Our relationship is still good. It was important for me to pay him back. I see nothing wrong with it.