There are a few things about the bridesmaid tradition that I really don’t understand. Like the tradition of making your bridesmaids look terrible in embarrassing dresses so that by comparison you look amazing. Does this really occur in real life or is it a myth perpetrated by Hollywood? Surely no one wants a hideous wedding party. And also – if you need to make your friends look awful so that you look better… well, let’s just say that it’s really hard to look bad on your own wedding day. You’re also the only one in a long, white dress, so you kind of draw the eye anyway.
Also, I read a lot about women who make their bridesmaids not only fund their entire hen party out of their own pockets, but everything wedding-related as well. As in, they have to pay for their own dress, shoes, alterations, hair, make-up and all the other ‘fun little activities’ that some brides want in the lead up to the wedding, such as massages, spray tans, manicures… the list goes on and on. And that doesn’t even include the expense of travel and accommodation if you live in a different city to the bride, not just for the wedding but for dress fitting and bridal showers beforehand.
Which is all a bit much, if you ask me. I paid for everything for my bridesmaids when I got married because I didn’t feel that they should be forking out their own hard-earned cash on my wedding. And no, crazy bride lady, unless you are letting your bridesmaids choose their own dress from a regular store, they will NEVER wear their bridesmaid dress again, so don’t try and pull that one! The fact is that if you have to pay for everything yourself being a bridesmaid can be pricey – and if you are unlucky enough to have more than one friend getting married in the same year, well, there goes your holiday money!
A friend recently confessed to me that she had to turn down the offer of being a bridesmaid for her best friend recently because she knows the bride wants a big fancy wedding with all the trimmings and that means lots of expense for the bridesmaids – and she just doesn’t have the cash to spare this year. The bride – one of her closest friends – hasn’t spoken to her since, even though she tried to explain it as gently as possible.
Do you think it’s unfair for brides expect their bridesmaids to pay their own way? Have you ever been put in an awkward position by a demanding bride? How did you handle it?
This is definitely a relevant topic for me! I was married last October and felt strongly that my girls shouldn’t have to pay much for my day. I asked the bridesmaids to wear any black knee length dress figuring that most girls have one in their closet (or can shop for one on the cheap), with black shoes (any height, any style) and I provided a wrap that unified the look (they turned out looking great!). I paid for hair, make-up, and breakfast on the day of . However they did pay for a night on the town for my bachelorette party which was so nice of them!
This upcoming year I’m the matron of honor in a wedding and the bride picked out $250 dresses for us (I’m purchasing mine next month), if we “want” our hair and make-up done we pay out of pocket, and of course I’m planning the party and shower – which I’m fine with. I have mixed feelings about the dress/hair/make-up as I know the bride as limited resources . . . I just wish she had picked a dress that I could actually wear again – $250 for a custard yellow dress seems a bit . . . um, much. But I chalk it up to the things you do for friends.
My bridesmaid career has been far more successful than I would have liked it to be.
I’ve now retired but of the 10 I’ve been in, only one bride has paid for all my expenses. I think that was only because she had a small party. Women who have 10 bridesmaids probably won’t be able to afford everyone’s expenses. I don’t think people realize how expensive it is to be a bridesmaid these days.
I personally believe the bride should pay for expenses, but I think bachelorette parties should be handled by the bridesmaids.
I just did a Google search on the average cost of a wedding:
“The average wedding cost is expected to be around £18,605 in 2011. This
is slightly down on the average wedding costs of 2010. Todays Bride has
to be savvy about what she is expected to pay for certain services.”
Wow I can think of much better things to spend that money on!!!
I got married last month. I didn’t have bridesmaids, but if I had wanted bridesmaids I absolutely would have met all the bridemaids’ costs – dresses, hair, make-up – anything I wanted them to have, I would have paid for. I have been a bridesmaid before, and expenses were met by the couple. I am in utter disbelief that any couple expects the bridemaid to pay for it all herself.
All those expenses are bad enough, but some bridemaids get told the hen party/bachelorette party will be in the Caribbean & have to pay their own airfare from the US–just ridiculous. Brides need to pay for all or almost all of the bridesmaids’ expenses IMO.