13 Responses for "Some people are all class: wedding gift lists"

1. Miss Thrifty March 18th, 2010 at 3:22 pm

   Oh, I am more laid back about it. I don’t like receiving invitations with a request to bring a cash gift though. I prefer picking out soup bowls at John Lewis!

   When we got married, we asked for help with our honeymoon and kept detailed records of who bought what. Don’t shoot me though!

   We moved to America the week after the wedding, so didn’t need/want actual THINGS. We planned a 3 mth roadtrip around the States and created our own gift list website. We asked people to buy us experiences: from entry to Dollywood ($50 I think) to a roller coaster ride in Santa Cruz ($15). We drew our own cartoons for each “item”. I guess that it was like asking for money, because it all went into a Paypal account. So that’s why we kept the detailed records: whenever we reached a new destination/had an “experience”, we would send a postcard to the gifter, thanking them and telling them all about it.

   Hope I’m not in your bad books.

2. Holly March 18th, 2010 at 6:28 pm

   My friends who got married last year said that they didn’t want gifts but that if their guests insisted then they could buy them an experience that they could have on their honeymoon (which they had already paid for themselves). We bought them an elephant ride and when we saw all the pictures it was really nice knowing we’d given them that opportunity.

   The best thing I ever heard (possibly read online) was a couple who were moving into a new home after the wedding and they intended to turn the box room into a library. They asked the guests to give them a copy of their favourite book so they could start off their collection. I thought that was really sweet.

   Sadly (or luckily) I’ve not been to many weddings so I’m not as experienced as you girls in these matters!

3. Meghan Fife March 18th, 2010 at 6:44 pm

   Wow! I’m with Miss Thrifty–I’m more laid back. It’s their wedding so I guess they can ask for what they wish. BUT of course, I probably won’t be buying them the really expensive things.

   It would be rude of course if the only thing on their registry was expensive things. They should just throw a few of those in their for their “family” to buy them. =)

   I totally respect your point of view though!

4. mookie March 18th, 2010 at 7:02 pm

   Some friends of mine were bullied into having a list by the bride’s over-controlling mother, and they decided to have a “grown up”dinner service. They asked people to restrict their spending to just ONE thing, one cup, one saucer, one plate, whatever, so guests didn’t spend a fortune, everyone chipped in together, and every time they use the set they are reminded of everyone who came to the wedding. I thought that was quite a nice thing to do

5. Abigail March 18th, 2010 at 8:00 pm

   I think it’s a balance. The registry, for example, should NEVER be included with the invitation. It’s crass and grabby. You’re supposed to let people inquire (if they want to give a gift) where you’re registered. Or to pick something yourself.

   We registered for only one or two items even close to $100. Most were $40 or less. There were a lot of things under $20. We didn’t want people to feel obligated to buy us stuff. Frankly, I’m surprised we got as much as we did.

   But it’s just like asking for money in lieu of gifts, it’s not something you should be so blunt about.

   I think my favorite wedding registry was a couple who made plenty of money and had a house for a couple of years before marrying. So they asked for donations to your favorite charity.

6. Danielle March 19th, 2010 at 2:33 am

   I have yet to register or even be asked to get married (maybe someday soon),, but I too like some other commenters know many of my friends who have been more than bullied (to the point that their mothers or mother-in-laws did the registering FOR them) to do a registry. That being said, I also know some people who are way excited to make one, and I know I will be excited when its my turn.

   The thing that drives me nuts is when you go to the shower and someone inevitably says ‘omg i love this plate/glass etc’.. and the gift-giver says ‘you’d better you picked it’..

   Because just like the bride/groom have the choice (mostly) to do the registry, attendants have the CHOICE to get a gift. And I have to say, when I was broke in college my friends said ‘no gift please just come’.. and I still to this day appreciate them saying that to me to alleviate me from a ‘obligation’. But I also choose to find a few small priced items on that list and then a gift card in the cost I can afford and that’s the best I can do and I try to make it heartfelt:)

7. Bexando March 19th, 2010 at 11:35 am

   Ooooh interesting!! I always find the wedding list conundrum a difficult one. On the one hand, I *hate* the idea of asking people to buy me X, Y and Z – it just seems so wrong to automatically assume that people will buy you a gift and then to go even further by trying to prescribe exactly what it is that they should buy you!

   But on the other, more realistic hand, people always buy gifts for couples getting married – sometimes even if you tell them not to – that’s just the way things are. It might therefore be argued that it’s pretty illogical not to have some system in place for making sure you don’t end up with fifty sets of bed linen and no dinner plates, especially if you are setting up home for the first time and you could actually do with some household wares.

   I guess it all comes down to balance. I might, for example, have a small wedding list for people who would struggle to think of something otherwise. But for close friends and family, I think I’d be pretty narked if they copped out by using the list instead of buying (or preferably making) something really personal that would mean the world to me.

   Man, I still don’t know where I stand on this…

8. Casey March 19th, 2010 at 2:36 pm

   I got married at age 21 just out of college. I had absolutely nothing for a household and neither did he. For us, a registry was needed for several reasons.
   1) we needed EVERYTHIING
   2) no one knew what our preferences were and they wanted to make sure we liked what we got for our first home
   3) everyone was worried about duplicating what other people got. Registry alleviated that problem.

   We had a small intimate wedding with only family and close family friends. Most of the gifts came from the registry, but I do love the ones that came from off the registry too. (Like the crocheted blanket from his grandmother, the handmade decorative thing of our wedding invitation from a friend, etc)

9. paranoidasteroid March 19th, 2010 at 7:52 pm

   I feel the same way about wedding registries, and was planning on not even having one. Imagine my surprise, then, when people started complaining that we didn’t have a registry! My mother-in-law called me and Chad multiple times to yell at us, and eventually she phone my mother, who forced me to sit at the computer and choose some household items.

   And after all that, my mother-in-law called again because she didn’t think we had enough stuff on our registry.

   So, I find the idea tacky, but many people expect it and depend on it. That said, we received several off-registry gifts an appreciated every one!

10. Tracy March 23rd, 2010 at 5:52 am

    I have to disagree on this one. As the gift giver I would so much rather know that I am giving the gift recipient something they actually want and will use than try to guess what they might like and have them end up returning it or worse it collecting dust on the shelf in some closet.

    I didn’t register for wedding gifts because my husband and I somewhat eloped and I never had a bridal shower, but I did register for my baby shower. I can’t tell you how many horrid outfits people bought our baby that I would never have put on her in a million years, instead of buying something I registered for. Their money was wasted on something I did not want and did not use, rather than spent on something I actually needed and could have used.

11. R. May March 24th, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    Registries are fine. Including the registry info in the invite is and always will be CRASS. It is poor ettiquette and equals asking the invitee to bring a gift.

    I’m always amused by the level people will go to to justify including it in the invite. Just because many people (who do not know better or simply do not care) do it, does not make it good ettiquette.

    If the people attending your wedding can’t figure out who they can call to get where you are registered, if they so desire, then they are proabably not close enough to be inviting to a wedding in the first place!

    Ok – end rant : )

12. Vir March 24th, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    I’m a bride to be and I already have my own home, as does my fiance, so we already have a ton of stuff. However, I did set up a Registry because my sister insists on throwing me a shower, and guests are insisting on buying me a gift. So I made sure to put items on my Registry that I needed (ie. tupperware) and that were decent priced (ie. hardly any items are more than $30cdn). I’ve also advised the guests they are in no way obligated to buy me a thing… I just want them to come and have a good time!
    My one beef is with people who ask for money outright as a gift. Isn’t that like saying, I have everything I need, so just give me your money so I can buy more? So I never give money.

13. WellHeeledBlog April 4th, 2010 at 6:35 pm

    I’d have to say I’m with Miss Thrifty and Meghan. I have no problems with registries. If you don’t want to buy the couple something on the registry, just don’t. I’m sure they will still be gracious about your gift. I also really like the idea of honeymoon registries – where you put money towards “experience” (i.e. excursion, nice dinner, etc.) for the couple. I’d much rather know that my friends enjoyed a sunset boat ride because of me rather than another XYZ they didn’t need.